Feeling Kinda Down

Today I just woke up with this sad feeling. Not ready to start the day, but the need to put my middle child on the bus ushered be out of the bed. Just feeling sad, thinking about how the future family pictures will not have Stephen in them. This is the hardest part with this all. I daily think of things that will not be with him. There are things that I never paid much attention to with my other 3 sons, they just didn't seem very relevant then. I have taken so much for granted, forgetting that God only knows the number of our days here on earth. None of us are guaranteed 70 plus years on earth. I want to live the rest of my days out not taking anything for granted, be it washing the dishes to kissing my husband. I am so blessed to have been given so much. I am also blessed that HE has chosen me to carry this little angel to HIM. Stephen will know no pain, sickness, disappointment or heartache. He will only know the Love of Christ all of his days. And I praise my Heavenly Father for this. I will leave you all for know.

Ramblings

Well I am finally starting this long awatied blog on my behalf. I have needed a way to put my thoughts in words for awhile now. Most days I don't think of anything except the next couple of months and what is ahead of me. If you would have asked me 7 weeks ago how I would handle something like this, I couldn't have told you exactly how I would be. I believe we doubt so much of what we are capable of in circumstances like this and others. Be it a dealth, cancer, job loss, just whatever it is, we have an idea of how we would handle the situation, but do we know really for sure until we are in the fire? But through this I have learned that I can't handle it at all with out my Christ. HIS love has shown up for me and my family in ways in which it is hard to describe. Most days I am calm, this doesn't mean I don't think constanly about my little Stephen. Everything I look at reminds me of what is to come and what is to be missed. Christ though has been the one constant throughout this. He has giving me a peace that I can't explain at all. Don't get me wrong, I have my pissed off days and stay in the bed all day days. But there is always the next day that HE takes me to. Thoughs of you who are in the fire right now, I pray that you will find His peace and may it surround you in your upcoming days. Thanks for listening to my thoughts. Check back soon.